One day at a time...

I love succinct phrases that carry a lot of meaning. Some people refer to these phrases as "words to live by.". And I do. I live by finding meaning in words, whether they be words of songs, words spoken by friends, or words captured in quotes.

Addressing the title of this post,'one day at a time,' it was counsel given to me by my counselor. That's right... I am aware of myself enough to recognize the things I want to change, courageous enough to seek professional help, and not ashamed to share it with the world wide web apparently. Anywho, back to the point. I am trying to really take my life ONE DAY AT A TIME. It sounds so simple, elementary, really. In fact, to people who are very unlike me and do not understand the facets of an emotional being like myself it might seem impossible to attack more than one day at a time. It is never Monday and Tuesday at the same time, right? Oh no.... It is. In fact. It can be 2012, 2013, and 2008 all at the same time. For me this super power-achilles heel is more like it- stems from an over analysis of who i am, what I am doing, and whether that matches up with who/where/what I want to be. And it trips me up all the time.

So to set the record straight for myself. I am doing THE very best that I know how. I am not perfect, not even close. I am good enough. I am making progress, however slow it feels, and I will achieve my goals and dreams of the future. Today however, I am living for today. I am keeping my mind here with my heart and my soul. That is where it belongs. I don't have the answers to questions that I happen to think are pretty darn important. However, I know enough to get through today and to face tomorrow with determination and perhaps even a terrified smile.

How do I live this way? By reminding myself over and over again to slow down and live in the present. To pay attention to the things that I need, and to balance those things very carefully with preaparation for the things that future Natalie cares about. These future things however need to be scrutinized to make sure they really are what I care about, and not what I think I should care about. I get confused by this a lot.

So. Here I am. Today. Today was and is a good day peppered with moments of sadness and uncertainty. Today I am with my Aunt Linda and her family with a room of my own complete with a really great balance of support and independence; freedom and responsibility; and always a listening ear and unconditional love. I am a lucky girl. I have a knowledge and an awareness of hope and happiness thanks to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I made toffe encrusted almonds today! I get to sleep with no less than six pillows. I remembered how to access my ablog account from 2005. I have a pair of beautiful parakeets, Sky and Kiwi, who chirp at the sound of my voice. That's pretty great! How many of you can say that? That's what I thought.

So when my mind races, my heart pounds, and the insidious thoughts of failure, despair and ruin creep into my mind. I tell myself, again and again, one day at a time Natalie. You are doing okay. Did I do everything I wanted to today? Am I where i want to be? Nope. Did I do enough? That's the question. Today the answer is yes. My life is good and full, and I am a powerful person, with the ability to choose my own happiness, and to wake up tomorrow to face yet another day.