When do you know?

When is it exactly that you know that you are changed? That you are different than you were before? Is it when you smile at things that would have made you uncomfortable before-- but only because you weren't comfortable with yourself before? Is it when people tell you you seem different somehow-happier, more confident? Is it when you make mistakes and then are able to forgive yourself? Is it when you feel that you have found what has been missing, when so clearly you see the rest of your life mapped out? Is it when you finally have meaning, someone who loves you for who you, who accepts you and loves your mistakes away. Is it when you used to cry alone that now someone is with you who not only wipes your tears away, but replaces them with sounds of laughter.

No... my friends it isn't. In fact, you only know that you have been changed for better, for good, when you are no more surrounded by whatever helped you to be different. When, even without the one who helped you discover who you truly are, you continue to believe, continue to remember. When you wake up amidst the falling snowflakes and remember what it felt like to feel the sun, and display it in your countenance. When instead of curling up in his arms, you curl up in the blanket of the one you love and wipe away your own tears. When you look in the mirror to swollen eyes reflecting a broken heart, and say "I miss you Michael Scott Hess," and because you are changed you then think, "That will never change, and he knows that and I can do this." When you learn to say no to others and yes to you, without your other half. When you see the beauty in your imperfections. When you can take what someone has taught you and stand on your own two feet. When your life reflects their memory.

I don't claim to have it all put together. Instead I claim this. I have been changed for the better. I know now that there is something special about me because I was blessed to be loved by someone special. I know my savior Jesus Christ because of personal sacrifice, He has wiped away my tears, he cheers for me in my exultant moments and stands by me in difficult moment. So, in short you know your life has been changed because of someone else when you find yourself measurably closer to the gospel of Jesus Christ, closer to the understanding of God's plan for His children, and closer to how intimately and infinitely He loves me.

Even thought this particular piece doesn't have the details- Let it be written and known that Natalie Joyce Clark Hess is better woman because of the love and life of Michael Scott Hess.